Magic Wand


I haven’t posting. Maybe you noticed, maybe you didn’t.

I have read so many of your stories, and my heart aches for all of you. And, I am happy for your adoptions and births. I am. It gives me hope. But, selfishly, reading everyone else’s posts make me feel sad as well. Most of you are married, I am not. Most of you have the funds to conceive one way or the other—either on your own or with your husband/partner. I do not. At least not for now.

I just needed a break. The plain truth is, the more I focus on my unicorn, the more I feel stuck. And, when the RE told me I had a year to have a baby or not, it was heartbreaking. I still tear up every time I think of it. I put on a brave face, but it just seems so daunting to have that looming deadline. Now I have months to to somehow come up with $20k or find Mr. Wonderful who would be willing to conceive, oh, immediately.

So I am somewhat of an anomoly in the IF world even though I have an anomoly myself. I am hoping for a miracle this year. That either my Prince Charming will appear (no more Prince Harmings, universe, please) or that my finances will take a turn for the better so I can just TTC on my own.

Come on world, please please please throw me a rope, a job, a guy, a winning lotto ticket, anything. I don’t know how many more baby showers, weddings, and engagement parties I can take without some happy news of my own.


One thought on “Wishes

  1. Oh, I’m with you on at one. Even with the movement I’ve been making towards adopting, I’m still very bitter and angry and feeing betrayed by my body and my life. To then have so many people tell me (RE included) that if I had access to “fresh sperm on a regular basis” I’d get pregnant no problem just really ticks me off. I don’t have the money for IF treatments, nor do I seems to have the ability to hook up with someone!

    Let’s hope there are some miracles out there to fulfill all our wishes…. 😉

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