I haven’t posting. Maybe you noticed, maybe you didn’t.
I have read so many of your stories, and my heart aches for all of you. And, I am happy for your adoptions and births. I am. It gives me hope. But, selfishly, reading everyone else’s posts make me feel sad as well. Most of you are married, I am not. Most of you have the funds to conceive one way or the other—either on your own or with your husband/partner. I do not. At least not for now.
I just needed a break. The plain truth is, the more I focus on my unicorn, the more I feel stuck. And, when the RE told me I had a year to have a baby or not, it was heartbreaking. I still tear up every time I think of it. I put on a brave face, but it just seems so daunting to have that looming deadline. Now I have months to to somehow come up with $20k or find Mr. Wonderful who would be willing to conceive, oh, immediately.
So I am somewhat of an anomoly in the IF world even though I have an anomoly myself. I am hoping for a miracle this year. That either my Prince Charming will appear (no more Prince Harmings, universe, please) or that my finances will take a turn for the better so I can just TTC on my own.
Come on world, please please please throw me a rope, a job, a guy, a winning lotto ticket, anything. I don’t know how many more baby showers, weddings, and engagement parties I can take without some happy news of my own.