So all of the tests are back from the RE. They screwed up my appointment in the books, so all I got was a 5 minute phone call to go over the results.
They told me my blood type, A+. Yes, I know.That I am immune to rubella. Yes, I know. That I have one tube. Yes, I know. That I am immune to chickenpox. Yes, I know. I still have scars on my stomach. I have a unicornuate uterus. YES I KNOW.
The RE I had placed such high hopes on completely let me down. No answer as to why I am in pain. The only new news is that my FSH is low and I would need extra fertility drugs if I ever were to get pregnant. Goody. Oh, and that I have approximately one year to decide if I want to have a child. All of that cost me $2k.
I don’t know what to do at this point except to just give up. I have no money to cover the cost of artificial insemination and no guy. It looks like I am one of those lucky ones in life that just isn’t going to get what I want, that I am just one of those failures in life. In every way.
If I was going to end up single and alone forever, I always thought all that blood sweat and tears I put into my career would pay dividends. But some people really just end up not getting what they want in life. I never thought it would be me, but it is. I never thought that I would be debilitated by pain at age 36. I never thought I would be alone. I never thought I wouldn’t have a family. I never thought my career would fail utterly as would my finances. I would never wish these things on anyone and can’t help wondering what I have done to deserve this. Where did I go so horribly wrong and what is so wrong with me?
I had a brief repose from pain, but well, it’s back. And, well, no one wants to hear about that, so I think I’m just going to take a break from blogging until something changes. No one wants to hear the same things over and over, and no doctor has any answers or can seem to help me. If you want me, I’ll be bonding with my couch.