I have made progress. A lot of progress, but some days I get very discouraged with everything. I am really trying to not give up hope, but the truth is it feels like it will never be my turn. Ever. I just feel like all my dreams have quietly slipped down the drain, and that at 36 I am just all washed up.
I can’t seem to meet anyone new (that lives here anyway), my finances are in the toilet, and I didn’t get that job I was hoping for. I was really hoping for that job so I could have some financial stability. With that job I would have felt comfortable getting pregnant on my own. I could have supported a child and myself and made it happen.
Maybe all of this just means that I am not meant to be a mother, or have a partner, or even a career to speak of at this point. The thing is I just don’t know what to do when all my dreams are slipping down the drain. I don’t. I keep trying to make change happen, but if it is coming, it’s taking it’s sweet time. And I just don’t know what to build my life on anymore.