Going it alone

I have made progress. A lot of progress, but some days I get very discouraged with everything. I am really trying to not give up hope, but the truth is it feels like it will never be my turn. Ever. I just feel like all my dreams have quietly slipped down the drain, and that at 36 I am just all washed up.

I can’t seem to meet anyone new (that lives here anyway), my finances are in the toilet, and I didn’t get that job I was hoping for. I was really hoping for that job so I could have some financial stability. With that job I would have felt comfortable getting pregnant on my own. I could have supported a child and myself and made it happen.

Maybe all of this just means that I am not meant to be a mother, or have a partner, or even a career to speak of at this point. The thing is I just don’t know what to do when all my dreams are slipping down the drain. I don’t. I keep trying to make change happen, but if it is coming, it’s taking it’s sweet time. And I just don’t know what to build my life on anymore.


2 thoughts on “Going it alone

  1. I’m so sorry you didn’t get that job…so disappointing. And while things don’t look like they’re going in the direction you want, this does not mean you are not meant to be a mother, or have a partner. or have the career you want. You deserve and are meant to have all those things, and more. Often we don’t understand why things unfold the way they do. It doesn’t mean things won’t turn out the way you want in the end, you’re just going a different route to get there. But you will get there.
    Hang in there!!

  2. so sorry to hear you are feeling down.
    Of course you are meant to have all of those things you want. When I feel this way, I try to just take it one day at a time, and even that can be hard to do. i recently read: Man’s search for Meaning by Victor Frankel (sp) and it was really good. It helped me regain my footing a bit.

    Hang in there.

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