I have been soooo happy lately. I have energy. I had a job interview yesterday that went well. I think they are going to call me in for a second interview. If I get the job, I can seriously think about IUI in the not-so-distant future. I’ll be giving up independence to be working for someone else, but the steady income for baby will be worth it. Fingers crossed!
I hung out with a great guy this weekend, unfortunately he lives 850 miles away in Denver, but it was just so nice to make a connection. Maybe there is hope for me after all in the love department. Fingers crossed here for me as well. Super triple crossed. I keep cyber stalking his Facebook profile just to see his face, lol.
I admit, a lot of my recent happiness is due to therapy. I never thought therapy would make such a difference so fast, but it has. It’s really helping me stop carrying around so much baggage that I never knew I had. My therapist uses a technique called EMDR and it really seems to work for me. What I’ve learned is this: I just got a lot of messages to never react, to not get angry, to not show strong emotions. As a result, I developed a nasty habit of pushing down all of my emotions. I could only do that so much before something small would happen and it would completely upset me. I could only not react so many times with someone before I couldn’t help myself. And then, huge overrecation! Once I realized all this, it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders, and I just let myself react now. The surprising thing is most of my reactions have been of pure joy. 🙂
And, well, as for my last relationship, I just realize how much he brought out the worst in me. I really wasn’t happy but I thought if I worked harder we could make it work. I was so scared to be alone again. Now that I am alone, I am so much happier than when I was with him. I wish I could travel back in time a year and tell myself this!