“Helpful” Advice

Where to go from here? I am still stuggling to cope with all of this. This weekend was a little rough. I had a bachlorette party on Saturday night and a baby shower this morning.

It’s not that I am not happy for my friends that are getting married and having children, I am. It’s just that these things make me feel intensely aware of my own single childless existence. They make me aware of how much I miss Jon and the security that comes with a relationship.I managed to get through the shower without a meltdown, but last night was a different story.

I ended up in tears after a well meaning friend started offering “helpful” advice. It does not make me feel better, it makes me feel worse, angry even. Someone said to me last night, “There is a reason for this and that in time I will see it. Everything will be ok.” This is coming from women who have all had multiple children. If there’s a god damn reason for this no one knows what it is and anyone that has never ridden this rollercoaster has absolutely no idea what it feels like. A couple of drinks didn’t help me out in this situation! Eesh, waterworks in public is embarassing.

I think it’s like well meaning people that try to comfort you after someone close to you has died. They don’t mean to cause harm with helpful advice. However, they really have absolutely no idea what it feels like if they haven’t been there. And, when everyone says it’s all going to be ok, it just seems like bullshit to me. They not know if things are going to be ok, they just don’t. They have never had to make a decision either to live with pain or have children, and it’s just hard for me to hear advice from people that have never had to deal with this.

To put a positive spin on this, here’s what would have helped rather than hindered (note none of these are advice):

  1. I’m sorry, please let me know if there’s anything I can do
  2. I hope everything will work out for you
  3. I’m sorry you’re in pain

Ok, bitchfest concluded. I do know they are authentic and they do care.

On the positive side, I am working on some techniques to help pull myself out of this black hole. I am also going to try some herbs for the pain and to help give me energy. I will let you know how that goes, what works and what doesn’t. Thanks for reading.


2 thoughts on ““Helpful” Advice

  1. I have a rage disorder about those there must be a plan people.

    On a more pleasant note, I wanted to leave a comment to say hello from another UU person. My email is on my page if you ever want to talk. There aren’t many of us so we have to stick together so it seems like there are! 🙂

  2. I have a unicornuate utuers too. I had pain for years as well. i didn’t have a hysterectomy though. i just had my non communicating rudimentary horn and the tube attactched to it removed. i kept my ovaries and my uterus.

    i wrote one blog post about it. maybe it will help. good luck

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