Letting go

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~Lao Tzu

Losing my guy, my diagnosis, and my pain. It has been consuming me. I have wanted to literally lay down and die the last few weeks. Everything I wanted and wanted to have in my life had been taken away. The probability of me having kids may still be there, but it isn’t great.

So I am letting go. I can’t do anything about getting pregnant now. I don’t have the funds to do it myself, and I don’t have the guy to try on the cheap. So I am entrusting my hopes and my dreams to the universe/God. My obsession will only destroy me if I continue on like this.

And, true to Tolle’s word, surrendering my wants is the key to being in the moment and ending my suffering. To quote a friend wise beyond her years: “Most of my sadness & suffering come from desire, and not because there is actually anything to feel that bad about in life.” True that.

Really, my birth defect is a small price to pay for ultimately winning the birth lottery. I was born in the United States to an amazing family. I have a roof over my head, I own that roof, and I live in a country with advanced healthcare. Yes, we have to pay a fortune for it, but I can’t imagine how women that have this must suffer that do not have access to healthcare or pain medicine.

Now time to create some abundance so I can afford a try at a child. If I am meant to do this, the universe/god will make it happen.

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